Note from the "moocher"

This was written 6 months ago.  I've since started a new position that shows some real promise.  The stress I describe is hopefully safely in my rearview mirror, so I feel comfortable posting this now.  If you have a relative or friend going through tough times, here is a window into their thoughts.

Dear Fully Employed Friends and Roommates,

Please stop assuming that I should loan you appliances that I can not afford to replace if something should happen to them.  Please stop assuming that just because I “seem” okay with my financial situation that I am.  Please stop assuming that just because a favor only cost a few bucks that you shouldn’t have to reimburse me.

Don’t guilt me about my financial situation.  Trust me, I like it less than you do.  I am lucky if I earn $200 a week.  I am not comfortable or happy with this income.  You don’t have to tell me that I have the ability or skill set to earn more.  So do the hundred other people applying for the same available positions I am.  Do not tell me to cold call employers - this isn’t 2004 - most employers see walk-in applicants as a nuisance and will direct you to their website for an application.  It’s too expensive to keep applications available on-site with all the hopeful job seekers walking in the door.  If they need a position filled they will either ask their existing staff for referrals (Who does not know several qualified folks that need a job right now?) or they will advertise the job for free on Craigslist or some other website.

If I “seem” happy with my situation, it’s because I have to look at the bright side.  I am lucky to have a job.   Every compliment I receive at work  makes me feel wonderful and more valued than it would have in the past.  Passing compliments validate me as a valuable member of society.  Every criticism or complaint hurts more than it should or otherwise would if I were able to be fully, productively, and comfortably employed.  Each time I err or make a mistake, I worry that I will lose my job or a shift on the schedule.

I am fortunate that you need my assistance.  I am happy to care for your child, when you leave for work in the morning.  I am happy to drop him off at school.  I enjoy tutoring and helping him with his homework.  I am happy to pick him up from school when you can not.

I am happy to do your laundry and iron your work clothes.  I know that you’re colleagues don’t look as well put together as you do when they arrive for work and it makes me proud to be able to help you look good.  I am happy to sew buttons on your shirts and slacks and repair hems and frayed spots on these as well.

I don’t mind (that much) cleaning up your dishes along with mine since I tend to be guilty of leaving dirty dishes in the sink for later too.  I do mind the disapproving looks you give when it’s just my dishes.

I am pleased that I moved in to your unfurnished bachelor pad and was able to furnish it with dishes, cooking equipment, kitchen table, sofa, etc from my going-back-to-the-bank home.

I struggle to pay the electric bill each month, but am glad to be able to contribute financially to the household expenses.  

I am happy to loan you my vehicle when yours breaks.  I am happy to bend over backwards to assist when there is a scheduling problem, broken vehicle, work conflict with Juniors football, baseball,  and drop off or pick up from visits with Mom.  I will and have given away shifts and rearranged plans to make sure that I am there when you and Junior need me to be there.

I am grateful that I am able to have my pets with me in your home.  I am happy that Junior enjoys my pets almost as much as I do and that I am able to both enjoy them and share them with limited inconvenience to you.

I am happy to do all of these things and I wish I could do more.  Please stop making feel bad for not contributing more financially.  Please return my vehicle with gas in it.  Please reimburse me when I upfront money for Junior’s sports pictures or spend money entertaining Junior when school is out.

Please stop “poor-mouthing” like my presence is costing you more than you can afford.  Please stop eating my food or assuming that it’s no big deal to eat it.  If I can afford to offer it I will.  You see me watch the weekly sale fliers.  You see me clip coupons.  You see me cook almost everything from scratch (I can’t afford the pre-packaged convenience foods.)  You don’t see the guilt I feel when I treat myself to $5 of fast-food, so please don’t judge.  Even if you aren’t judging it feels like it.

Sincerely,

Just as miserable as you think I should be - but trying to turn it around - Friend.